Thanks for reading my huge post. I know it was a lot. It feels better to get things off my chest every once in awhile.

I've been seeing a counsellor every few weeks. I think its helped a little. I'm seeing a psychiatrist in 2 days. Maybe they will be able to diagnose me with something and get me some medication.

Do you have a job? How do you support yourself? If you don't mind me asking.

I kinda want to talk to people that are in or have been in a similar situation to me and have gotten out of it... At this point I'm searching for hope. I feel hopeless. I don't have a lot of aspirations in life. I just want to survive and live out in the country away from people... I want to remove myself from society. I never feel normal around people.

I'm really hoping that maybe if I get medication that it will solve at least some of the problems so that I can get a job stocking shelves or something. If that doesn't work, I probably will kill myself or just walk out into the woods and live alone in a tent or something. At least then I won't feel like a burden on my sister.

Every time I go into a job interview, they ask me a lot of the same questions. Tell me about a time you went above and beyond for a customer? Never. I never have. Tell me about a time you solved a problem between two coworkers. Never done that. Tell me why we should hire you instead of someone else? You shouldn't hire me. I'm unstable and crazy and weird. You definitely should hire the other person.

I feel like every job interview is a lie. I've thought about maybe writing myself a script with lies and just making up a fake resume or something. I hate to lie to people and I am not good at it so I dont think it would work. I dont know.