[1,581] Flora, Chapter One

Man, I'm really hesitant to comment on someone else's critique. I think it's bad form or something, and I keep trying to stop myself, but I can't help but feel that some of your advice really doesn't make a lot of sense to me, or at least could be explained a little more fully.

You don't really say why the first sentence is good. I've never heard someone suggest that writing about nature should require some methodological rigor. Like, people talk about trees and fields and stuff all the time without it needing some geographical accuracy, and despite the title, the story is about the underworld and Egyptian gods. Why would OP need to "describe it more?" While I had my own issues with some of the lines you pulled, there appears to me to be nothing intrinsically wrong with the phrase "endless cycles," nothing to suggest avoiding the phrase completely. Same with "paradise." The full line is "happily ever after with nothing left to lose," which appears to me to be a subversion of the cliche, even though you say it "must be subverted." I'm not sure why the crime show, of all things, would need more description as opposed to less. I guess I could see how it's an empty line. Who cares what type of bookcase? Is there really a detail that's likely to colorize the story in some significant way? You say "do not use 'cursed circles' to describe anything." Maybe include a reason why? Why would they specify a type of spiral? Most people pretty much know what to think of when they hit the world spiral. The fact that many kinds of spirals exist in mathematics seems to me to have nothing to do with how it's used in a story. You accuse the writing of not having depth or offering insight, and you end with, "Please incorporate literary devices such as personification, alliteration, chiasmus, metaphor, allegory, simile, etc. Etc."

Sorry to anyone else if this is not my place to say something. I wouldn't have said something if this comment didn't end on such a sour note, paired with what seems like very little in the way of actionable advice. I will very much understand if my comment is deleted. I just really find most of this advice kind of baffling in a way that goes a touch beyond me just not agreeing with it.

/r/DestructiveReaders Thread Parent