12 Women With Perfect Responses for Why They Don't Have Kids

You're right. I apologize. I was going for what life had in store for thestillnessinmyeyes given the blueprint she gave us above. But chances are she'll tire of partying, and realize that time is going to wreck her body regardless, and indigestion and constipation may or may not result from pregnancy, that staying fit and making a baby need not be mutually exclusive activities, that to watch something for 24 hours straight entail not sleeping, and implying that you must watch a child without blinking for 18 years is hyperbole, not to mention the fact that watching your children is in truth something you do, not because you are forced to, but because you want to.

Chances are good that when thestillnessinmyeyes does get her child's pee and poop on her hands, she'll giggle a little inside at how silly she was to worry about such a things, and 10 years on, when she wants a new couch it won't be because the kids wrecked the old one, it will be because she wants a new one because the old one is old. She'll discover that burping cloths are more than a match for spittle, and that breastfeeding your baby is worth getting up for and contrary to how she imagines it, something she'll miss doing once it's over. Her surprise at not having to get up 3 times a night, or even 2, and eventually not at all will no doubt cause her to shake her headed in amusement at how she let her imagination get the better of her. Then there's the money she will have to stop herself from spending because OMG that outfit would look soooo cute on her little girl. But she doesn't know that yet because she still thinks spending money on drugs is money well spent.

Then she'll travel with her children, and travel to places she never would have gone but for them, and love every minute of it. And she'll have sex while the kids are in the house, on a Sunday, and OMG the revelation that will be. Who knew you could still have sex after kids!!! The day will come that she'll be so utterly enchanted with her children that the idea she once worried her children would get in the way of her thinking about herself will make her want to upchuck a little.

She'll be sitting on a bench at the park, watching her children play with abandon, and they'll be sticky with sweat and screaming and laughing, and getting bumps and bruises and scrapes, and you know what she'll want to do? She'll want to join them, and chase them, and sooth them, and tickle them, and show them how to swing from the monkey bars and slide down the slide and dig in the sand.

She'll read to her kids every night, not because she is supposed to, but because it's one of the best parts of her day. And then when her little ones start to talk, they'll start to tell the story back to her, and she'll be amazed, and she'll know what it is to watch as your child does something today that they couldn't do yesterday. And she'll write it down in their baby books because it's a big deal. And before you know it, all the work will be done, and she'll wonder where the time went, and she'll be too busy with her kids and grand kids to go to the club, and that will be the way she wants it. And she will be the best mom ever.

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