I don't know how that qualifies as barely urban but it just seems weird how people in here act like anything below a tier 1 city is an unlivable wasteland or something.

I live car free and found that low density results in low quality of life.

I guess it is cooler to live in the largest cities they have but the cost of everything doesn't leave any room to actually enjoy the benefits of living in a tier 1 city.

This was not my experience. I lived in Vancouver, BC for the first 10 years of my adult life and had no problem saving money. I lived with roommates, I had no car, I had no healthcare expenses, and there were numerous social opportunities that did not require spending money. That is the origin of all of my living preferences.

Mostly what I love about urban living is not bars and restaurants. That is not a passion of mine. I enjoy cities because they provide an excess of developed space, an excess of social opportunities, and minimal restrictions of my individual liberty.

I see people shitting on everything that isn't the largest city possible

I do not think your assessment of what other people want is accurate. You should have faith that other peoples' desires are not completely foreign or unexplainable. They have life experiences that inform their desires, and those desires are generally quite justifiable.

Plus there aren't as many gangs and murderers and thieves and people begging for change.

America's fear of the poor is another thing that I try and avoid. I will happily live in a poor neighborhood, as I find that there is a lot more that needs to be done and my utility as a human being is greatly increased. WASPs don't need anything except people to mow their lawn. I definitely do try and avoid using my position in the market to displace people, however.