Hey guys help me with something please

Tldr; anon is sad and in need of advice because he play music with emotion and the mood are easily changing when being criticized while playing music and it affect the quality of the music

So i always tried to separate my emotion with my job, so i don't get too attached with my job and to make me able to handle criticism very well.

Like for example one of my work is as a lab asistant i always think this is another way for me to get money to help my family and gain experience and connection, so if someone criticize my method or my technique i can always think with clear mind and accept the criticize and do it better next time and i work without feel amy emotion or attachment to my job, the same also goes with my other job/organization as well.

But there is one of my job that rely heavily on emotion, it's music i play music at church although this is not a real job but i personally think it is because i play, i use it to worship jesus, and i get paid so it's a win win scenario for me.

I always use my emotion when playing music, to get the feel and the flow of music.. the good thing about it, is i always became more energetic, more brave, and became more creative when playing music but the downside is when i get criticized my mood will turn sour i can't play the next song very well and my performance on the stage will be very bad. I always tried to think this is not personal but it still caught me..

another recent example was during this psbb thing. We switch to online service so all of the music and the preaching is pre recorded, so it kinda awkward for me to play in front of an empty audiences and the demand to be always precise but always smile and be energetic on stage while playing the music is very difficult for me because i can only do one thing either be perfect or be energetic and they want both, and the retakes are so dreadfull.. when i get criticized during the retake suddenly i don't play very well anymore i became less energetic and my music became "very awful" and boring (not my word but the word of the guy who always critized me)

I always ask my leader not to pick me as a musician during online services because i hate playing in that kind of condition because there is no freedom and everything must be perfect, and also because i admit sometimes my hand kinda sloppy but during live music the false note isn't audible or noticeable and during online service they demand it to be perfect .. but i always get picked a few times already (like 3 or 4), i want to make argument to my leader to not get picked because i'm a bad musician and i play sloppy, but i do still have shame and honor and if i said that it would look terrible, and so far all of my argument always get ignored and i get picked anyways and i always think sacrifice is necessary (because the pay is double than normal services)

What do guys?