Unfortunately I live out of town and the local doctor is fully booked out until next week. Today was horrible again I woke up with a very sore chest don't know why. my depression affects me in weird ways. One moment I tell myself it's time to try be happy and see a doctor and then for some reason it can change rapidly and suddenly I bring on guilt telling myself to not go anymore because I'm worried they might think I'm attention seeking or something. I went for a drive and for no reason started crying and kept saying I can't do it anymore and felt like just driving until I run out of gas in the middle of nowhere and just give up. It's so hard because like I said one minute I'm okay and the next I'm literally insane and start shaking. Another stage I get is intense anger and I mean intense so bad I can't control it. I dropped my keys Before and I wanted to just start screaming I literally had an urge like I wanted to kill something. it's so scary and as much as I tell myself next time I'm angry to just stay try stay calm I fully loose it and can't control it. The worse bit about it all is I can be doing something and nothing is going on in my head. It's just nothingness.