Well, Benny, I'm sorry you weren't man enough for America.

Americans are way too sensitive

Maybe the problem, Benny, is you're a visitor here from another country and we're not really on personal terms because we don't know you well enough to give a shit what you think.

1. Everything is “awesome”!

On this we can agree. This is a stupid word, used the way it is.

1. Smiles mean NOTHING

For whatever reason, everyone is nice to me and I like it when everyone smiles. I have nothing to compare it to, but forcing a smile, most of the time, isn't so much some attempt to manipulate you, Benny. It's a small thing we give to strangers to put them at ease.

1. Tipping

I am sorry that, once again, basic math is so difficult for foreigners. Tipping is an institution few like, but has proven nearly impossible to do away with. Move the decimal one place to the left, then double it. It's not hard. Even we stupid Americans can figure it out.

1. False prices on everything

Again, basic math Benny. I don't know why it is done this way but I do a quick mental calculation and I'm done. It's a minor annoyance at best.

1. Cheesy in-your-face marketing

Yes, cannot disagree here. Try not watching television. Works for me.

1. Wasteful consumerism

I do not know anyone like the people you describe Benny. Perhaps it is because you are hanging out with trust fundy douchebags in major cities. My phone is a Galaxy Note 4, which was released in 2014.

1. American stereotypes of other countries

Again, Benny, it's the quality of people you seek out. I don't actually know a single person who'd bring out the "Irish are drunks" thing, except other Irish Americans. Irish Americans are addled and confused about their heritage because their forebears were enthusiastically "of Irish origin" to a radical extreme, and this passed on down through the family. No idea what is up with Irish Americans. Despite you understanding the shorthand, where when an American says "I am Irish," they don't mean literally "of Ireland currently," this bothers you. Well, we're a nation of immigrants, and that's the shorthand we use, and too damn bad.

"How was the boat ride over here?"

You hung out with idiots, Benny. I don't know what to tell you.

Too many people insisting that Ireland was part of the UK. They actually argued it with me!!

You hung out with idiots, Benny, I don't know what to tell you.

Did I have to check my car for IRA bombs when I was growing up? (uuuugh…., so many things wrong with this!)

You hung out with idiots, Benny. I don't know what to tell you.

Surprised that I knew more about technology than they did. Aren't we all potato farmers in Ireland?

You hung out with idiots, Benny. I don't know what to tell you.

Or could it be you're a self-righteous condescending prick and the only people who would hang out with you are the people who are completely stunned and thrown into a trance by your exotic Irishness?

Could it be you're just kind of a cunt, Benny?

I'm asking.

Every American you meet is not actually American. They are a fourth Polish, 3/17 Italian, ten other random countries, and then of course half Irish. Since Ireland is more homogenous, it's hard for me to appreciate this, so honestly I don't really care if your great grandfather's dog walker's best friend's roommate was Irish. I really don't.

Well, let us return the not really caring that this bothered you Benny. Perhaps if you weren't so deeply ignorant about American traditions, this would not have bothered you. Perhaps if you'd read a book on the United States, you wouldn't be so insensitive and ignorant, Benny.

1. ID checks & stupid drinking laws

Trying to stop drunk driving deaths, Benny, but I agree with you on this point, nonetheless.

But I can't stand certain Christian affiliations of religious Americans. It's Jesus this and Jesus that all the bloody time. You really can't have a normal conversation with them. It's in your face religion.

1. Religious Americans

Perhaps you should not have come here, Benny. For a guy who's country is divided stupidly over sectarian issues, and who still apparently has blasphemy laws in place, you've sure got a whole lot of problems with Americans.

1. Corporations win all the time, not small businesses

Well that's probably true. It's also largely why we're a superpower with a good tax base that pays, for example, for much of Europe's defense.

1. A country designed for cars, not humans

Humans in the US like cars, Benny. We like it because we can go anywhere in them, and not just the places the train stops. We can go deep into deserts or forests, or drive on our own time and in our own way from place to place.

What struck me as the most eerie thing of all is that I felt very much alone when walking in any American city.

I think people were avoiding you because you're kind of a cunt, Benny.

Going for a walk to find food serendipitously (as I would in any European city) was a terrible idea every time without checking Yelp.com in advance.

Yeah I never have to do this, even in cities I'm not familiar with. I think you're just inept, Benny.

1. Always in a hurry

Fat and slow and, simultaneously, always in a hurry too.

1. Obsession with money

Again, I think you hung out with pricks, Benny.

1. Unhealthy portions

There is this thing called "boxing it up," Benny. You should have asked an American for help. You're bitching about getting more food for the dollar; a second meal you can take home and reheat at your convenience.

1. Thinking America is the best

With all of its flaws, I like it better than you, Benny.

"You meet an asshole in the morning, you met an asshole in the morning. You meet assholes all day, you're the asshole."