Hey there, first review for me so bare with me. I left some comments in your work.

Imagery

First off, I found your descriptors to be out of place. Sometimes detracting from the mood you are trying to set. "Insects droned around them" for explained. Here it seems like you are going for gentle, intimate sort of feeling. But the use of droned just felt wrong.

Format

The way it's all structured on paper felt distracting to me. You jumped around alot with intends and structure. Like belts and suspenders, you only need one.

Characters

Since I'm only reading a little bit of your novelette, I trust you have more story to these people. But Cameron just doesn't strike me as fearsome, up until you actually start fighting. A little suspense goes a long way. Try adding elements of fear like "Ryan trembled, thinking about the confrontation with Cameron that must come."

You say Ryan got whooped by this guy time and time again, and instead of determined I just feel like Ryan is ignorant and childish.

Delivery

Before the bombshell that Ryan drops, try putting in some atmospheric tension. Pan the room, kill the excitement and make Ryan question whether or not he should say it or something. When ryan shouted "I killed my brother!" it was very forced and seemed out of place.

All in All

I found that your story did have good movement to it, which kept me interested enough in the outcome. Just avoid cliches and telling the reader what to think. Play with mood and matching descriptors to those moods and you'll see your writing will vastly improve by connecting things better.