I [18 M] just realized I may be in an abusive relationship of three years with my [18 F], uh, help?

Thank you for responding, I was really hoping you would read my post.

that shouldn't mean I need to put up with what shes doing.

Absolutely. As I said, at this point, you could walk away and be completely justified. I really do mean that. It's also why I said you are not to blame at all. But, as you say, you "really do love her." That is important. It also means that you need to address the "communication issues" you have. Love (to me) is a bond of trust, respect, and honesty. It means making yourself vulnerable to the very person that could hurt you the most and knowing they'll reciprocate with their own vulnerability, trust, respect, and honesty with you.

This is extremely hard, and requires a lot of trust. That's why I said "communication is a skill" because it really is. It isn't easy to look someone in the eye and tell them your feelings, to open yourself up and say you are hurt. You are vulnerable. They can hurt you, and they very well might. But know this, it takes courage to do that. Anyone who says otherwise is a fool, or trying to sell you something.

Point is, I really do believe in the advice I gave you... it's better to talk first and walk away knowing you tried, than just give up. I guarantee you you'll be thinking of this woman in the next 2-5-10 years... how do you want to remember how you left it? Just saying "screw it I'll leave" or actually getting to the bottom of it, and knowing it was the right thing (which it very well might be). You won't have a second chance... ever. That's how life works.

I'd say, have no preconceived notions. Don't think I will or won't get back with her. Have the conversation I described above, be calm, have points made out, don't be baited into arguments, clearly express your feelings and how her actions affected you, and stand up for yourself. Getting upset or angry is easy. Keeping your cool is difficult. Express your opinions, and if she tries to interrupt very calmly state you'd like to finish your point.

Overall, I hope you agree that communication first is best. You have to talk (see points I mentioned earlier). Honestly, even if you break up with her, it's good to learn how to communicate with your lovers and address important issues. As I said... communication is the KEY to any true loving open relationship, at least IMO.

/r/relationships Thread