Um... I don't know that I would call that a fetish. You're 18, you're hardly sexually experienced. Having a fantasy or desire to be able to completely let go and enjoy sex without inhibitions or judgment is what all of us want. We all seek to find a partner we can be vulnerable with.

Look into orgasmic meditation. It's amazing. It's not a fetish, it is a way to understand the body and to feel utmost pleasure. Understanding each others bodies is a way to get what you want.

You're completely normal. I'm not advocating drug use, but if THC is legal in your state, try using it and having sex. It is a great way to release inhibitions and just be able to relax and enjoy!

Sometimes I want to be completely pleasured and put under a spell of sexual gratification, and other times I want to put my partner under the spell. It's fantastic! Sex is an art. Learn it, enjoy it, and become an expert. It looks like you are on your way!