I actually for some reason (procrastination) wrote a story featuring this moment a while back in another comment
Damn. Any idea why [England are terrible at penalties]?
:
Once upon a time there was a little boy growing up in Middlesbrough. Every morning when he woke, and every night before bed Johnny would pray. Each prayer went the same: "Dear God, please, please let me play for Real Madrid. I'd give anything."
After this went on for quite some time, God appeared to the boy in the summer of '96. God had been watching the Euros, and as he watched England beat Spain on penalties with ease, he'd been reminded of this little boy in Middlesbrough and his burning desire. He said "Jonathan. I don't understand your obsession with Real Madrid. There are plenty of great clubs in England you could dream of instead. Quite frankly, you're a bit of a plastic mate. But fine, as you are so desperate, I will grant you your wish. However, the joy you just experienced watching your England beat Spain is something you will never get to feel again. Oh and you have to play for Leeds."
With a sinking feeling in his gut, little Johnny watched as England crashed out of the Euros in the next round, closely losing out on penalties to the Germans he had been raised to despise so much. The next month, he followed the Lord's orders and joined the Leeds academy.
Completely distraught at the prospect of having to play for Leeds for the foreseeable future, Johnny came very close to ending his life altogether. The one thing that kept him going was his dream: Real Madrid. Instead of praying, Johnny would now begin and end his days by reciting the Madrid club song under his breath.
In '98 he saw a superior England team falter once again, this time to Argentina. The following year, Johnny himself got called up for England: an important step on his way to Real Madrid, he felt. Johnny, however, struggled with a terrible internal battle: if it came to penalties in the next tournament, how could he let his England teammates walk up to the spot, knowing the heartbreak they would inevitably endure at the end? Johnny knew he wouldn't be able to live with himself in such a situation, and so he found a way to avoid playing in either of the next two tournaments.
It was 2004, and Johnny was looking more and more likely to play in the upcoming Euros. But by the grace of God, he picked up an injury in the last month of the season. Johnny would not be going to Euro 2004.
It was on one fateful eve that summer, June 24th - eight years after their initial encounter, that God appeared to Johnny once more, this time in the form of a gloveless Ricardo. "The moment has arrived, my son", God declared. A month later his phone went. "I can't believe it, Johnny!" said his agent, and on August 20th 2004 little Johnny's dream finally became a reality. He was on his way to Madrid.
Jonathan Woodgate played a meagre total of 900 minutes over just 14 matches in his full three seasons spent at Real Madrid. Millions of English hearts are broken forever, but to little Johnny it was all worth it.