He made me do copious amount of cocaine with him, to the point I thought my heart was gonna stop. He told me to calm down, gave me a drink. And I don't know what was in the drink but I blacked out. And when I woke up, he had both my legs over his shoulders. And he was numb-sucking my asshole like there was no tomorrow.

I tried to fight it, I tried to get away but I was restrained. He told me that I liked it, he told me not to worry because he used the good jelly.

The Schmukaz.

So nobody's paid me to confess this now and I kept it under wraps for all these years because I knew that no one would believe me.

No one would believe that Jeremy Corbyn ate my asshole.