I (20F) feel like there are subtle red signs about my boyfriend (20M) but I feel like I might be overreacting and need help deciding whether to continue this relationship or not.

First of all I’m terribly sorry about your ex-boyfriend and I hope you’ve gotten whatever help you need in healing and developing a strong support network around you.

So when I saw the hanging out part I thought oh the honeymoon phase of the relationship is fading, but as I started to read more there are definitely some ‘pink’ flags that are indicative of a dynamic that isn’t healthy but isn’t unfixable especially since you’ve been dating a year and had a very good initial relationship.

I’d probably start by seeing if you can remember when things changed and maybe find a connection to something that happened in your lives that could have triggered it. Beyond that, you should definitely bring up to him that there are certain things in the relationship that you feel are straining the connection between you two.

I’d say that you want him to hang out with his friends and he shouldn’t feel guilty for doing so as he’s just spending time with them, but that you would really appreciate him initiating plans with you since it’s hard to feel like you’re the only one trying and that at least you guys should schedule something consistent each week at the very least.

In regards to the crying and arguments, that’s definitely strange. I don’t know how frequently you cry, but I’d ask him why he’s less supportive when you do. Assuming you’re not crying all the time I find it concerning he wouldn’t try to support you at least. With the arguing, I think that’s an issue where you should tell him that you bring these things up not because you want to argue about it, but that you feel the way you do and want to come to a mutual agreement. If he’s conceding to your point after the initial argument ask why he gets so defensive and if there’s any way to help him not do that.

But definitely focus the conversation on building a healthier dynamic and that you need to feel supported in the relationship which you currently don’t feel. I’d go in with an open mind and see what happens. Hopefully you can set a plan to fix the issues, but I’d definitely keep in mind that some of the behavior is concerning and that if it continues or gets worse that it is a sign you should end it as you’ve tried to see how it would go and he wasn’t attentive to it.

Make sure that before you discuss anything however, that you have a plan in placw to be able to separate from him if things escalate. I didn’t see it in your post but if you live with him have a plan set up to be able to leave quickly should he start to become abusive. Have a place to stay after leaving, gather all documents and valuables in one place if possible and any other clothes/supplies you may need etc. because it’s really unclear to me if he’s abusive or just being insensitive without thinking in the moment. Good luck to you and I hope for the best.

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