[20F] How to Handle Anger Towards Boyfriend? [20M]

There's a difference between being angry and only being able to express it to your boyfriend, and taking all of your anger out on your boyfriend when the source of your anger may not even have anything to do with him.

The first is feeling comfortable enough to know that your boyfriend will listen to you rant and rave. The second is abusive - even on the occasions where you may not hit him, it's still abuse. If your boyfriend feels guilty or worried because of something that has nothing to do with him, then you are emotionally abusing him.

I've seen it happen with my best friend - every time he showed any sign of anger, it was "Sorry! What can I do? Anything. What do you need?" and it wasn't because she hated seeing him angry, it was because she felt that his anger was her fault, when that was hardly ever the case. She's told me about it at great length, and says he never hit her - I took her word on that, but it still counts as severe emotional abuse and it ruined her.

Abuse is about control - he made her feel like everything was her fault so that she'd stay because she felt like she needed to "fix it", because it was "her fault".

Controlling your anger doesn't mean "I'll wait until we get home before I yell at my boyfriend and hit him because the cashier in Walmart was a bitch, and I'm so god damn angry!".

Controlling your anger means that you try to remain calm until you are in a situation where it is appropriate to express your anger in an appropriate manner. Whether that's ranting about her to your boyfriend (without making him feel like you're angry with him) or whether it's writing a complaint to the manager of that Walmart store, or even both if you're that pissed off about it.

I think the one saving grace of this post is that you've recognised that you have a problem, and that you want to fix it.

/r/relationships Thread