I [20f] miss the fun of flirting even though I have a wonderful boyfriend [19m]

You're misinterpreting this.. or perhaps I didn't explain myself as eloquently as I could have. I'm just caught up in all of these emotions and confusions and I just had to jot this down on the internet in an attempt to sort things out.

I absolutely do not believe that I deserve anything "better than Brad." In fact, he is so absolutely wonderful that I don't think that it will be easy, if at all possible to find anyone "better than Brad." Well, it is a big sea.. there are always other fish.. but my point is that he is absolutely wonderful and I am not in pursuit of something better. I am not keeping him around for security either. I enjoy spending time with him, I enjoy him as a person. This is not me wanting to have a regular date for a dance or anything like that in the least.

You see, this is why I feel bad. This is why I'm feeling so conflicted. I'm having a hard time because I have found something with someone so wonderful that I could honestly commit... if only I were older. That's my hang up. That's the problem. He's great. Everything is great. It just isn't the right time. It was my mistake to let myself slip into this relationship. I should have stayed true to what I had originally wanted, but I didn't. That's completely my fault.

As for "mystery guy", I am quite sure that he is likely a huge douche. No. I don't think that he's better at all. He's probably a whole lot worse. However, I have that desire to speak with him.. to go on a date.. to be in one of those silly pursuits that isn't anything serious. No. I won't do it as long as I'm with Brad. Absolutely not.

I am not looking to have "notches in my belt", I am not looking to chew up and spit out guy after guy after guy. This is college. I'm young. I want to meet people. I want good dates and bad dates. I don't want to still be wondering when I'm older. I don't want to regret not meeting other people and keeping an open mind when I was younger.

I am also not the person to cheat. Ever. I am only having (perfectly natural) feelings of attraction towards other people. I am perfectly aware that we have those feelings our whole lives.. but since I'm young, I would like the freedom to participate.

It is not that I don't value Brad. In fact, I value him so much that I am having a very difficult time figuring out what to do. Like I said, I would be throwing away something that is really good. I'm just not sure that it's right for me at this moment.

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