I [20f] need some advice with my boyfriend [20m]

3 hours.

He shuts down.

it could be either:

a) you

or

b) him

if it's you, then do something about it.

if it's him, then it could be either:

c) him alone

or

d) something about him, that affects you, which then affects him

there's also another factor, it could be:

e) something or someone else entirely

or:

f) it's both of you

A few hours ago, we were in my bed, snuggling. He reached into the top of my t shirt to feel my breasts.

there's nothing wrong with that.

I say "dude, go from the bottom of the shirt, you know how I hate it when my shirts are stretched out." and he shuts down.

it's you. you make him shut down.

wear a different shirt, one that can be stretched out.

even then, from his perspective, his thoughts will be that you will still find something to complain about, even if he doesn't say it, even if he outright denies it. because you have forced the situation upon him.

He lays next to me and just stares at me. I ask what's wrong, but he says the usual "nothing." I say, "let's talk about what's bothering you."

you ask: what's wrong

he says: nothing's wrong

you say: let's talk about what's wrong

do you see what you're doing?

you are creating the wrong.

if there's any possibility that you're not, then you are making it worse.

He says, as usual when he's shut down "there's nothing to talk about." Wait like 10 minutes of me trying to end this hissyfit- "I'm gonna go." He leaves my room and storms off. He won't talk to me the rest of the night, except to tell me that he'll be going to bed early.

him storming off, that's understandable, considering you keep poking at him in a bad way.

that you say he "storms off" sounds like he needs a gf other than you.

he is not going to be genuinely happy with you.

you are not going to be genuinely happy with him.

3 hours.

Reddit, this happens every week or so. He shuts down and I guess you could call it fighting. I don't do anything wrong, he just shuts down.

your approach is making it worse.

your perception that you're not doing anything wrong is ill perceived.

you are experiencing the early onset of a doomed relationship.

The next day will either go like this: he's suddenly be mad at me for not apologizing, then we'll both apologize, and then we'll be okay.

you and he are in an unhealthy relationship.

you say you'll be okay. that is not true.

Or he'll ignore me the whole day. When evening comes, he'll call me crying and tell me how terrible of a guy he is and how he doesn't deserve me.

that is an issue he has to deal with separate from you.

you have your own issues that you need to deal with separate from him.

putting the two of you together is like combining two volatile chemicals.

mercurial.

3 hours per week.

Can anyone give me some advice? I know he isn't super mature, but I want us to work out.

you keep blaming him.

you keep assuming you're in the right.

stop and think about it.

really.

think about it.

I love him.

you do not.

the duration you've been seeing him is nowhere near enough, especially considering the type of relationship you have, for you to really, truthfully mean that.

he has tried to recover the relationship, there is good from that "crying" that you said he has done. it is him trying to repair what has been damaged. you have damaged it. and you are making it worse.

EDIT: More examples:

examples of what... examples of how you are continually blaming him for things instead of you actually taking a proactive approach.

I ended up "hitting him." I apologized a million times, said it was an accident, but he didn't take it. He shut down and didn't talk to me for a day.

it goes back to the origins of reactions between you and him.

you are both going about it wrong.

you are each being selfish.

neither of you are being selfless.

3 hours per week.

you need that.

time.

I really don't enjoy having my chubby stomach felt

then you will not experience it at all.

the relationship will end.

nobody will enjoy touching your stomach.

nobody will be touching it.

nobody will want to.

so there you go, mission accomplished.

3 hours per week:

1 hour for you with a counselor.

1 hour for him with a counselor.

1 hour for both of you with a counselor at the same time.

if you don't both put in the time to fix things, then things won't be fixed. at that point, you will have all the time in the world. apart.

/r/relationship_advice Thread