Going through a bit of an existential crisis. Yesterday was my birthday, i turned 22. I spent it alone but i blame no one but myself, i've isolated myself from everyone, i don't feel like i can laugh or experience joy anymore.

I've achieved nothing in life, have had insomnia and anxiety since i was a kid, been off and on medication.. I haven't had a single job. Long story short i'm a freak, i cannot project any sort of confidence even if i tried. I go through life feeling like a freak. Physically as well, i lost a ton of weight and workout and lift weights regularly and i look like a normal man with tits and a bit of loose skin. I know i shouldn't place so much emphasis on this, but i slump my shoulders 24/7 to hide my chest, I don't like to be touched, even by women. I have avoided relationships. I am basically a non functioning man because of this.

The best i can hope to do is try to get a job to scrape some money together to get a surgery to fix this. But again, jobs, relationships, talking to people, everything, it feels forced. I don't feel a real connection to anyone except maybe my family.

I just need someone to give me a chance. I have had a couple interviews that didn't go so well and i just need a job. I don't even feel like doing this anymore. These days i'm too depressed to try.

I feel like i'm scraping together a life of someone who is just genetic trash. I'm worthless

I did meet a girl online who liked me, but i basically ran from her. We would skype every day, but it just felt forced. Told her i needed to work on myself before i got a relationship, which is true.. But the truth is, i'm too depressed, i didn't want her to know. I don't really want anyone to know.