I (22F) feel betrayed when a guy befriends me who has an intention of asking me out.

I'm a woman. I think it depends whether I felt the friendship was genuine. If we had impactful and lovely experiences together, where we got to know each other, eventually developing mutual trust--then feelings are fine. I would understand which experiences and what about me attracted them to me. Even if I didn't see them the same way, I would respect their feelings, and if they wanted space from me, I would empathize with that (have liked and been rejected by friend). When I got rejected by my friend, I chose to suck it up, crush the feelings, and be the best platonic friend I could. I never touched him or reached out to him more than I would any other friend. I decided to remain friends with him because I deeply respected his maturity, considerate nature, and personal integrity. I have zero intention to take things further because I love our friendship as it is.

If from the beginning they were just trying very hard to pick up a girlfriend, to the point that they would act to please me or change their interests + viewpoints to align with mine, I'd hate that. Or, if they did nice things that they wouldn't actually do for someone they only considered a friend (makes you think that if they weren't attracted to you they wouldn't actually give a shit about you). Or, if they consistently acted closer with you than you felt with them. Like they try super hard to be friends with you and follow you around and try to project to other guys how buddy-buddy you are but you're not as into it.

I guess I make these distinctions because I'm naturally distrustful. The only friends I allow into my life are people I truly admire, respect, and love being around. There are guys who act like they're close to me and like we're friends, but I keep my mental distance.

If they genuinely have fun being with me, care about me as a person, and we have common interests we enjoy together, I can't fault them for wanting more. However, I do understand how uncomfortable it feels when a cishet "friendship" comes from a place of dishonesty (with themselves) and inauthenticity. Frankly, friendships and relationships built from pretend similarities wouldn't last anyway. Being part of the queer community, I tend to give love fluidly, and know many people who dated, broke up, and remained super close friends and are platonically intimate.

/r/relationship_advice Thread