I [23F] called the cops on my brother [15M] after he hit me in the mouth. My dad [59M] then threatened to withdraw all support for me if anything happened to my brother because of me.

Hi, fellow brown woman of a similar age here. First of all, I completely sympathise with what you say about the whole cultural glorification of sons and the ridiculous double standards that brown girls have to put up with. My family isn't even that bad about it and the few incidences I have had to put up with drive me up the fucking wall. These indulgences might seem cute when your kid is little but it creates monsters. My family is luckily somewhat progressive but I know of other families which have abusers (emotional and physical) as well as sexual assaulters (guys around my age) who are classic cases of spoiled brown guys who have never had to hear 'no' in their lives. I also understand your worry over the cultural stigma surrounding girls moving out before they're married and I don't think they're trivial concerns at all (in the context of our culture).

That being said, I really believe you need to move out. Your brother is dangerous and will only become more so with time. Furthermore, your father, who is meant to protect you from harm, does not have your back here. I noticed in another comment you said that the two things stopping you from moving out were your worries over your mum's safety and your fear of explaining why you had to move out to other brown people.

Firstly, you can't effectively protect your mother if you, yourself, are also under the threat of constant violence. You need to put on your oxygen mask before helping the people around you. You won't be able to help anyone if you are living in a house where you can't even speak your own mind without getting punched in the mouth.

Second, if you're worried about what others in the community/family friends will think, you don't have to tell them shit. You can make up any excuse e.g. "I needed to move closer to work." "I want to begin climbing the property ladder." "I want to move closer to the city so it's easier for me to network with people in X industry and move up in my field". It doesn't matter and doesn't even need to make sense 100%. Move out first, then come up with something plausible.

Lastly, this is just fucked up. If my brother did this to me, I honestly don't see how I could ever speak to him again, or my dad for that matter. Maybe you moving out (and cutting contact) will be the bucket of cold water your dad needs to see the severity of the issue. I'm sick of our people excusing this shit.

/r/relationships Thread