I dont think my bf appreciates that i am a virgin. When we are sexual, i feel like I'm putting myself at risk and he isn't. I have hid tested for all stds, but men can't get tested for hpv. We did dry hump without clothing, skin to skin contact. I feel like he doesn't realize the magnitude, that I may have acquired something for his past exs. I feel dirty. Like he is the sloppy leftover, and i was clean before we did anything. Now I'm at risk for genital warts or possible hpv related cervical cancer. He is a sweet guy, he spent over $1000 in std testing, because I'm crazy and paranoid.. He even paid for my gynecological consultation of a lesion I thought was a wart.
I just dont know how to get over the fact that he slept with 5 other females before me. I touched his bare penis with my vagina, which has touched other females. I know my fear isn't rationale, but it;s such a odd new thing to get over. Maybe because i have been a virgin for so long, and I have trouble letting it go...i feel like I'm less value now...evn though I didn't even have penetrative sex with this guy. This guy does literally everything for me for the past 6 months, and I haven't slept with him. He buys me whatever I want, does whatever I want. I always tell him he isn't good enough.
I just dont feel like i can ever have a normal relationship. Idk if it is my personality or lack of experience, or emotional intellectual.