I [24 F] am having trouble with my fiance [29 M] of 4 years because of my stress-induced sex drive loss.

Two weeks, not without sex but with less frequency than he'd like, and he's behaving like this? What do you think is going to happen if you ever have a child together or undergo surgery or have a major depression? Seriously, I absolutely agree that a relationship with a failure in the bedroom has problems, but that he's behaving like this after just two weeks bodes ill for the whole relationship. You mention that generally this passes in a week if you're not stressed - that is not an unreasonable length of time in the least.

Totally serious - if he'd dump you after two weeks of less frequent sex, then you might want to think about accepting it. Otherwise, you need to lay this out for him really flat. Talk about how you've accepted his emotional distance in the past, and that it needs to be reciprocal. Ask him if the solution of making you have sex that you don't want and don't enjoy is "meeting in the middle" and if he says yes, then you've got a bigger problem on your hands, because no decent partner would take that as an acceptable answer.

I find it hard to believe that sex is the only way you two show emotional closeness, and I think that's something that you're bringing to the table here. Sex might make you feel emotionally close, but I'd question whether that is the same for him. If that was true, then why wouldn't cuddling at night or talking or less pressured sex acts have the same impact?

Also point out that pressuring and stressing you in regards to this is just making it worse, and that you feel like he should be more worried about you, than about his sex life right now. I mean it says some pretty nasty stuff that he isn't concerned about you, but about having less sex. To make this work, you need to stress the need you have for closeness to him, and your need for support. Make him feel like an essential part of the process.

/r/relationships Thread