[24 /F] with my Boyfriend [28/M] 8 years, Snooped through his phone and found questionable texts

UPDATE: I talked to him before he left for work.Im going to try and give a bit more background and why I became a nutcase. My grandmother is on Hospice and I got the call yesterday that I needed to come and say good bye. After having worked 6 days in a row I felt extremely guilty that I hadn't got over to visit her in the last week. I called John to let him know that I may be late picking up our child and just to let him know what was going on.He acted indifferent and annoyed that I called him about this.

I try not to blow up his phone but I feel like this was one of those times I NEEDED him to pick up. He frequently makes his work and co-workers priority over everything. He admits this. So when he told me the time that he would be home, I visited my grandma, left and picked up our child. I told my grandma that I would be back around 8:30 or 9 to come sit with her throughout the night ( she doesn't like being alone). So he said he would TRY and get home before 9pm. So I just really thought it was a slap in the face that he couldn't have the courtesy to call and let me know that he was running late. I am blowing it out of proportion I'm sure. This was important to me and he knew this. He also made no effort to ask if I was okay.

He does this fairly often with me. He's very good with others and sometimes that makes me feel like I am on the back burner. I will admit that right now I am clingy. I lost my dad and two uncles in the last 6 months and now my grandma.. I'm sure he is sick of dealing with an emotional mess.

Anyways, after a bit of back and forth. I came right out and asked who "Jean" was. Of course he didn't know what I was talking about. That's his motif, deny deny deny. Never heard of her. I told him that he could cut the act and that I breached his trust and went on his phone and I said Id like us to just be honest with each other and get all this out in the open. He insisted he never texted this person and didn't know what I was talking about. After some more back and forth he had a moment of clarity! HALLELUJAH!

He said that she texted him first. Obviously. I asked why she brought up going out drinking and him saying to her to "hit him up" or whatever and at first he said he was being nice. But then he said that he wanted her to come back and work with him and he was hoping that she would.Because she's so "good" and women are better than guys at doing it. I asked if he was going to tell me if she contacted him again and they went to "party" or if he was planning on including me. ( like if I didn't look at his texts). He first asked if I wanted to party. lol. He then said that he probably wouldn't have told me and I personally feel like that's wrong. I don't think that it's appropriate for her to ask someone EVERYONE knows is in a LTR. Or for him to engage it. I don't feel like he needs to tell me EVERYTHING but I do expect a bit of transparency with certain things. I mean he didn't go out of his way to hide it but I also don't go through his things.

I told him if that is what he wants and he is unhappy in this home, then he is free to go party and do what he pleases but I feel like he could tell me that he needs a break and we could just go about our lives separately . He doesn't need to go behind my back. Basically he didn't tell me because he wanted to get his dick wet. cheat, fuck around. whatever you want to call it. He admits it's shady.He also said that he wants to be with me that I am not giving him the attention that he needs right now. I do need to put in more of an effort. Maybe I am a control freak. I did ask him to not engaged in those conversations with her or any girl and I don't want her on the property. I personally don't feel comfortable with it. I may be insecure. I just would like to be treated how I treat him in that regard. He's always known this. If he wants to keep what we have and fix it then that's what I need from him. If he is unable to do so than I am done. Am I being unreasonable? I can't just let him do whatever if the actions are making me miserable. Relationships need compromise? He is my first and only boyfriend so maybe it is crazy. I just know it makes me feel bad.

He won't fully admit that they were hanging out up there alone and going out to the bars but It seems to me that they have talked about Vegas and going out and partying before but he says things that contradict what he says ( does that make sense?) . I don't think it just came out of left field ( the things she said) Like first he said theres nobody up there but him, then it's just old ladies and children. ect. IDK. Maybe I'm such a bitch that he feels he can't say anything to me. Everyone seems to think I am reading way to much into and am being too controlling.

Yes, they may have just been catching up. Yes it was wrong to snoop. but I did. and I am glad I did, I don't think I will be opening Pandoras box anytime soon but something in me told me to. I asked him if he would feel comfortable if I went out with a specific male coworker to party and kept it from him. Of course he wouldn't be okay with it.

Maybe "John" and I are just not compatible anymore. I shouldn't give ultimatums. I'm sure it will just push him away further. Maybe I am the one that is unhappy and I am looking for a reason to call it quits. We do love each other but I don't think we are in love with each other at this time. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I am not in love with him. I don't know.

TL;DR; I am a crazy person and over analyze things. Just call me Ms. Asshole Control Freak. fml

/r/relationships Thread