[24 M] have done a bunch of online dating and none has ever worked out and I'm sick of it. What else can I do?

I would like to weigh in because I'm a bit of a relationship whore who has also moved to new places alone and had to make friends from scratch :)

I think online dating is great, but I also know loads of really nice people who haven't had much success with it. I would say not to automatically assume that the problem is with you. On these sites you are matched to people based on what I think is fairly arbitrary information! I know plenty of people who I share interests with who I wouldn't want to bone, and in the other direction me and my SO only have a few common interests but I get on with him so much.

My advice would be to get out and try your hardest to meet new people...but not necessarily just in order to date. As pants_face said, what are your hobbies? Do you like playing any kind of team sports? Are there any political groups you feel an allegiance to? Are you dead in to music? Join a club/group/team, and try and meet new people that way. Also, couch surfing is a good shout - find out if they have any representatives that run meet ups in your area. You don't necessarily have to host (though my friends did that and it was a blast meeting new people!), and you can go along to the meetings and it is basically a social.

I'm not sure what your current job is, but depending on how much spare time you have, you could try and pick up a bar job just doing a couple of shifts a week. People who work in bars tend to be quite social types, which can be a really good way to connect with people. I know you said you aren't in to the bar scene, but as someone who works behind a bar - the kinds of people who are in to 'picking up' people via the 'bar scene' usually are completely abhorrent to those who actually work in the industry! Go for a place that suits you - one of my really great friends was like 'Hang out in a real ale pub, you get lots of nice people there' - he was totally right.

You say that you already have a few friends, before they leave you I would recommend trying to meet some new people through them. Try and tag along to some of the stuff that they do outside your social circle - read: some, not all because you don't want them to get annoyed with you before they leave!

And as pants_face said, give the 40yos a chance! I've recently moved to a seaside town in the middle of nowhere and I was pretty ageist against people 5 years younger, 15 years older, but I came to realise age hasn't really got much to do with it, it is whether or not you get on with them!

I wish I could say that it is as easy as that, but at first you will face a bit of disappointment, not finding people you completely gel with. But then soon enough, you'll start receiving invitations to things you actually want to go to.

And it is usually through friends that you find people that are good to consider dating. You meet them at parties, or because they live with your mate, or maybe you go for some kind of social and meet them that way. You are in a surrounding where you are comfortable rather than literally just sitting down with someone completely new. You are more likely to meet someone who wants to date that way too, rather than in a club. In a club for the most part, people just want to get laid! I think if you start out with the objective of making friends it looks a bit less desperate.

Good luck! :)

tl;dr Make friends first, that's a great way of meeting like minded people to date

/r/relationship_advice Thread