I [24F] am a very private person who deleted my social media accounts and moved across the country to start a new life. My mom [53F] documents her life on Facebook, and we always get into an argument about involving posts about me when we visit each other. Who is being petty here?

When I think about all of this, I feel like I'm being so petty

Your personal need for privacy is not petty. I can understand why you might feel this way, but if you convince yourself that your needs are petty, then you are devaluing yourself as a person. Your needs are your needs. Having and enforcing healthy boundaries with the people in your life can be an incredibly difficult thing to do, especially if you were taught that you had no right to boundaries earlier in your life (I grew up Asian, I'm making assumptions here - but growing up under my parents, my business was my parents business, no way around it).

She loves taking selfies with me, which I'd be more than happy to take if I knew she wasn't posting them on Facebook. Or sometimes when we Facetime she'll screenshot it and post it to her Facebook.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to no longer agree to participate in any of this stuff. You must politely refuse to be in photos, have conversations with voice and no video. And not reveal any more details about your life than what you comfortable with to share with your Mom's facebook audience. Inevitably, you will get a "But why???!" from your Mother. Patiently, and clearly explain as best as you can. You can never control how someone else reacts to you expressing your needs. Understand your own intent for saying what you want to say to your mother (no attacks, no malice, re-examine exactly what it is that you want to say if it was malicious), and deliver it plainly.

If your Mom gets it and it clicks, great, everyone moves on and perhaps you get a better relationship with your mother out of it. If it does not click, well, you did your best and your mother has to live with the consequences of having a different relationship with you, but one that is on your terms.

It may be uncomfortable, but your needs are valid and worth it. Good luck!

/r/relationships Thread Parent