Older [30 years old] fellow Chinese female here who grew up primarily in the States with fucking crazy parents. Long read ahead, I have thoughts on this.
I'll make this simple: Fuck this noise. Move out. Let them disown you. That is the ONLY way you can get out. Don't think there's some magical solution or the perfect option in this mess, because there isn't. You cannot compromise with Chinese parents. You cannot reason with a Chinese parents. By being their daughter, you are their property. There are thousands of years of social conditioning behind this. However strongly they believe this or know they believe this is irrelevant, they are acting like they own you and that you are a child who cannot make your own adult decisions. I won't go into the irrationality of their demands, if their presence in your life is making you depressed, it's time to exercise some self-preservation.
Move. Out. I say this as a very very Chinese girl. I'm not whitewashed or even incredibly American, so I'm saying this from a purely Chinese POV. You have to move out by ANY means necessary. You have to decide where the line in the sand is and stick to it, because Chinese parents will ignore that line and trample all over it at their own selfish whims.
If you try to work their system and play by their rules, you will lose every single time. If you try to ride out their current wave of crazy and irrationality, you will find yourself drowning under a new fresh tsunami of guilt-riddled obligation later on. Wait until marriage to move out? What if they don't approve of your fiancé? What if they want to plan your wedding? Invite five hundred aunties on your dime? What if they want to live with you? It will literally never, ever, end (well, until they die I guess.) So you have to let go of this obligation and guilt, and decide when it all will definitively end for you.
This is what I suggest you do: - Love yourself. Value yourself and your joy. I have had manic depression all my life, some of it because of nature, a lot of it because of nurture. It's taken me until my late 20s to realize my happiness is important and being miserable is not how I want to live my life. It's easy to sink into the status quo and just be sad and unhappy. It's easy and it's safe in a lot of ways. Change is scary but it's within you and the promise on the other side is an entire lifetime of possibilities. I'm still depressed, don't get me wrong. But there's no "fixing" depression in some ways, just like there's no "fixing" dysfunctional Chinese families. You accept these all as a problem, then work as much as you can to live with them. Have you looked into mental health services? Please take care of yourself. - Start saving money NOW. Let your dissatisfaction with life drive you. I know it's hard to save, but putting aside $50 here and there will make a difference. - I'm not trying to be a dick but GET A FULL TIME JOB. You've graduated from college with two degrees, you can make a livable wage and you should. It's hard to work with depression, but you have to do it. You're tied to your parents because you don't have financial freedom. Seek it. Don't feel you have to stay in your city, it's not scary to move somewhere new if there's a good job waiting for you. - Find a place to live. I would hesitate with living with your boyfriend, unless you feel good about where the relationship is going. But then again, I don't like the thought of relying on a guy (what if you guys breakup? Then you may find yourself back with the family), so see if you can find a friend who already has an apartment who will let you rent from them. Getting an apartment on your own is more difficult. Start putting feelers out to old friends and roommates. Find your exit strategy. - Make a list of things you can do and cannot do for the family. For example, I'm pretty financially stable so I give some money to my mom. But I don't let her visit me if she's going to be negative and awful, and I let her know. I want her to come see me but she has to control her criticisms and insults. What are your non-negotiables? - Talk to your parents. Do this very formally and set up the meeting with them as an intervention. It is. You're trying to save your relationship with them. explain how you've been feeling and what you hope you guys can work on as a family. Share your non-negotiables and even if there's a language barrier, try your best. If they refuse to budge or compromise, I would continue moving ahead with your plans.
At the end, if you can move out on your part time job, I would just do it. If you can't afford it, find a full time job. Find a place with friends for cheap and rough it. Real talk: life is fucking hard. Be prepared to struggle, but the struggle is yours alone and you own your failures the same you own your triumphs. Move out by any means necessary, do not allow your parents hold your future and happiness hostage.
When I was 18, my parents forbade me from leaving their house. They wanted me to go to a college locally and live at home. I wanted to go to a college 10 hours away. They said no. And so I just did it. I left. My parents at first refused to pay for it or talk to me, but then they caved. I didn't expect them to and I was fully prepared to (a.) never speak to them again, and (b.) struggle my way through the college. My mom called me a couple months in as an intermediary and didn't say sorry, but asked if I needed tuition money. My relationship with them now is ehh. I'm the most successful and stable of my siblings, so they often rely on me for things. But there are clear boundaries in our interactions and it's work every day to keep them there.
It was scary don't get me wrong. But driving away that day was the best feeling in the world, even though I was crying and even though I know I only had $1000 in my bank after tuition was paid. Life sucked during college. I was constantly broke and I got into debt and I struggled. I was so lonely and since I have really bad social anxiety, I had no friends or relationships. I tried to kill myself halfway through my sophomore year, that's how bad it was. But I survived (shockingly, seriously I never thought I'd live to 30). 12 years later, life is fantastic. I'm married to an amazing guy who puts up with my family, my job is good, I own my own home. I'm happy. It's weird. I'm not used to being happy, but I'm happy. I cannot stress this enough. Life gets better once you're on your own and have full autonomy.
Your life is yours, not theirs. Work to build it to where you want yourself to be. You can get there and you can succeed. 加油!
TL;DR Your sexist parents are abusive narcissists, just like mine are. Get a full-time job and move out. Things will work itself out.