Have you ever been inside a mental ward before? People smear their shit on the walls, people there pretend that they’re your friend there and then steal your things from you once you meet them on the outside when all you’re trying to do is help. The therapists are overwhelmed and apathetic. Last time I spent a week in the cookoo nest my roommate flipped my bed over in the middle of the night and threatened to face-fuck me.

I’ve been committed many times and each time was a nightmare. Why would I want to go back to that?

And yeah, I got access to regular therapy appointments thanks to my service, but the VA is FUBAR’d. It can take months to even start an initial intake appointment and the regular two-week shrink I had literally stopped calling me. The one had before that actually told me that she’d looove for me to stop being her patient when I said I wanted someone else.

I am not rich enough to afford an actually competent doctor who is paid enough to give half a shit whether I live or die. I’m wandering aimlessly around this twisted world on my own, it feels like.