[25/f]Cannot reach bf's [24/m] blowjob standards.

While I think he approached it in TOTALLY the wrong way, I feel like I might know what your bf is talking about. I think that mine is similar. He gets off on ME getting off, so when I'm really enjoying blowing him it makes it so much better.

It's possible your bf feels a lot of pressure to cum, as he views that as your 'end-game' of sorts. If you view it as a 'directive' as you described, and your happiness lies in the result and not the act, you're gonna run into trouble. Perhaps he gets in his head and can't make it happen because he can't get to a place where he's just relaxed and happy and not worried about hurting your feelings. Does that make sense?

As I mentioned I felt your pain at the beginning of my relationship. I've been with my guy for almost 5 years and for the first year or so it was hard for him to cum at all from oral (or even sometimes sex), but as we both got more comfortable with one another and each others' bodies, and let go of the need to get to the finish line (ie viewing it as a sort of goal and being upset when it wasn't reached) things improved exponentially. It's now extremely rare that he doesn't come. Hell, I've never been confident in my handjob skills--guys have been doing it FOREVER, how can we do it better?--and the other day I got him off like that somehow because I slathered him up good, lifted up my top just over my tits, and had him straddle me while I went to work. The point is I'm not a porn star or amazing at this shit by any means. But I think there's a lot to be said for just having fun with it and doing shit for novelty's sake, not just to make a guy cum. Do stuff that makes you feel sexy while you're blowing him, and lose yourself in the act. If it doesn't work don't be down on yourself, have him finish himself on your tits or whatever, or if he likes ball-play suck on those while he gets off, and be patient and keep coming at it every time with a positive attitude!

I guess my overall advice would be, stop viewing it as 'he comes and I'm awesome or he doesn't come and I'm awful/other girls are better'--just play, have fun, be patient, and stop viewing it as something wrong with you if he doesn't get there. Sounds harsh but insecurity is not sexy.

But yeah, he also needs to work on them communication skills...

/r/relationship_advice Thread