I [25/f] confronted my bf [26/m] of 3 years over watching porn secretively and I feel blamed for the "problem."

I'm not a sock account of anything.

(I'm also not sure what a sock account is - like a pretend account so it seems like more than one person is talking?)

i'm quite respectful and appreciative of people offering the advice I asked for.

Actually, you're not. You're respectful and appreciative of people offering advice that you agree with - you immediately attack anything that you disagree with.

Now, based on what you wrote, I don't think you intend to come across as this aggressive - but you are. People are commenting on it.

While it might just be frustration, or misplaced passion, or even just your own style of communication - it comes across as aggressive, which people can find intimidating.

So, you're not as open and clear a communicator as you think yourself to be. your style of conflict resolution is very adversarial. This means that you're not as easily approached as you think you are - so maybe, as I said, your BF is a bit scared of you.

I agree that the secretive porn-watching etc is a bad habit, and it's certainly needs to stop. However, I think you should examine more how the habit happened in the first place.

You see his secretive masturbation / tension relief as a problem in your relationship - I see it as symptomatic of these problems. It isn't the issue, it's the manifestation of the issue.

I mean, your whole argument is basically "Steve, just talk to me" - but Steve isn't talking to you. Now, obviously, Steve bears some responsibility for this - but maybe you aren't as easy to talk to as you think you are.

Also, regarding your replies to other people - I agree that those people were rude, and unnecessarily attacking of you - however, you didn't have to respond at all, and you certainly didn't have to attack them right back. Lots of people would have let it go, but you didn't or couldn't.

Do you see my point?

/r/relationships Thread Parent