Well she was supposed to help me with my social anxiety by taking me places and introducing me to people (not all of her friends are sketchy). She never really did though.
This relationship was kind of my hobby, in a way.
I mean she is obviously depressed and struggling, why else indulge in self destruction? It's a big part of the reason we get along so well. I have been through some real hard times myself but through reading and thinking, medication and doctors I've been able to clear a lot of that negativity out.

So I feel obligated to at least try improve her life by teaching her techniques and lending her books and hearing her out or whatever I can do.

It's either a lost cause or I'm just not trying enough and I will feel guilty to just give up because if I had somebody like myself working this hard to help me when I needed it that would have made all the difference in the world.

I do see what you are saying though. Find someone other than her.

It's hard for me, that "break in period" with a new person is so very stressful and even if I develop a bond I still feel a little censored in a way. With my cousin there was no break in period, we started making dark jokes and laughing at each others expense immediately.

Deep down I know that I'm gonna have to just let her go sooner rather than later. I'm just still having trouble accepting that, I wanna believe I can help her personally and end up getting a better friend out of it in the end. I know it's almost certainly just a delusion though.