Hello and thank you for your reply!

I've had many people being sympathetic at first, but then sooner or later they always end up ignoring me. I don't think I've been very pushy in trying to talk about it either. It's very hard for me to even reach out because I feel I should be able to fix my own problems and don't want to bother anyone else. I get that people have their own lives and problems, but it feels really bad that some of these people who were my best friends seem to have had no problem dropping me immediately. It's so hard to go through alone. I do have my parents, but they already worry about me enough and I don't want to add to the burden I've already placed on them with my illnesses. I had one friend who said he would be there for me and stay no matter what, then two months later he's stopped responding to my texts. Incredibly disappointing. All I asked for from him was to treat me normally and still hang out and talk regularly, but be there for me when I wanted to talk about what's going on. I specifically asked him if that was asking too much and he said no, but I guess I was. It's hard, like I feel I don't really have anyone I can count on. It doesn't help that I have a history of depression, on and off for about 7 years now. I just got over being in a dark place again, and just months after I got out now I am going back to it, due to the emotional stress of being ill, and also due to feeling abandoned by everyone I thought cared about me. I used to see a therapist a couple years ago and she noted that many of my feelings regarding my low self-esteem seem to have come from the way others treated me. I'm aware that's what's happening now - I see my friends ignoring me and neglecting me and in turn it makes me think "well I guess I really am worthless, no one wants anything to do with me anyway." It's like I have a cognitive dissonance going on. I know I shouldn't interpret other people's actions as a reflection of my self-worth, but it's hard for me to separate.