I (25F) have lost all capacity to give anymore of my time, energy and love to people who don’t deserve it in hopes of fitting in to make genuine connections.

I don’t believe anyone did anything to unforgivable to you, for you not be able to flip the switch and be happy for a full day. i know things can remind you to why you aren’t happy, to why you aren’t this way regularly “happy“

you know don’t want to feel the way you do, in bitterness basically, the way out of this is to forgive everyone and everything and yourself if needed but the reason i say to forgive everyone, is

Do you seriously think people wish ill of you, like they want your downfall to happen and so on. They didn’t seriously have consciousness intentions to ruin you.

To see from there perspective, imagine yourself to a baby, to a baby that never cries at all. You feed the baby, you play with the baby but you somewhat don’t know what pushes the babies buttons. Like can’t know for certain in a way if you treated the baby well.

Then one day, the baby starts talking, and taking care of itself but still no emotions for you to see clearly. and you don’t need to care for the baby anymore especially if said baby is an adult.

I was off put to my birthdays being downplayed and many other things being downplayed because i became a adult and also upset with everyone dragging me into the mud and so on and me believing the expectation, but they often was self serving to them and i was being pulled with a carrot to do what they want basically and see the game being played when i wake up and realize after the fact when things being seeking up from the cupboards and seeing the dark or hidden truths behind their ACT towards me

but people can only help you From what they know. Like they will only teach you what they know and believe and have done themselves.

Ehh I’m getting distracted Point I’m trying to get to, is i arrogantly believe its much easier for women to be more happily full of glee and “gay” like in as happy going about life. Reason for it is you can always be seen as a “feminine light” and respected as so, and wont be called out as not otherwise

meaning I’m saying just flip the switch and be happy and when you are reminded to why you aren’t this way try to disregard it. Like understand in a angry mood you likely to do certain things in life such as punch a wall, if you are sad person you are likely to maybe cry to someone or watch sad flicks.

And if you are bitter maybe people can sense you are and want to stay away from it because they feel they may have never done wrong by you intentionally because they see it as a mutually blame. Like the baby you didn’t communicated what push your buttons the wrong way to them so they can watch for it.

The ideals of life and social constructs are like not written out in any guidebook that I know of. And family are not old fashion and super traditional anymore. So you can’t expect things to happen as they should.

so two things, be happy For a full day, wake up and set simple things to do they will just move you with glee towards try to be happy with others and move with glee with them to things as well. Like every day is a happy date with life and yourself or with others. And try to keep with that ‘UP“ and keep going up and up till you fly

and the seccond things is forgive everyone, because you don’t want to feel this way anymore so don,t. And the problems in life that you currently complain about. Think solution oriented towards them rather than like resentful towards to problems that plague you. By being solution oriented you see what you can do about them.

but i want you to try and be happy for a full day and see how that is so you know, and when you are reminded to why you aren’t that way. You kinda will understand yourself more.

Also i been looking into mindfullness and it’s basically skin for your mental mind, and that skin protects your mind. And simply its having a constant compassion to others not meaning to negate your suffering but understand that they suffer just as you suffer, you either can suffer Alone or togetheir or instead be about compassion with each other and say be not suffering when together.

And think people respective suffering clash in complex ways like into impossible knots that wont untie, and its cause to many of the predicaments in life that you experience.

so it is like you are focus inward on your suffering a bit, I’m only saying that based on you mention you got called selfish and you also said you wish to be “”UNCENSORED“ to how you feel and think.

And to last regard I don’t think that is being Happy, its you more so being arrogant and uncaring which is find but you are doing so At people directly rather than indirectly,

a big difference between men and women is men physically attack each other and women emotionally attack eachother

men are able to bust each other balls women are not somewhat at all and take things to heart and a lot of men do take things to heart as well but it kinda makes you an outlier and outcast to manhood in a sense

and that where i was getting how its easier to still be seen in a feminine light also especially with kids and so on.

One of the major things that bother me is i was close to a lot kids in my family but it’s like i should have always care about them from a distance rather than at a close distance just animosity happens and its annoying and one of the main reason why i desire to leave the room

but i decided one day to not care and be happy about life and things but i am reminded to why I’m not and it’s because I’m not really leading my life. By my ethics actually. which is personal morals rather that the typical morals. And i just couldnt understand what to do during certain situation well i know what is said to be “right” in said situation but wasn’t going to be happy doing so. because i wouldnt exactly be full of life as i was when i was trying and was happy for a full day.

Basically i took my niece out on a date day somewhat i didnt see it as that exactly but i spend quality time with her. By having her accompany me to stores and to get breakfast and we decided to go swimming as well and like i was like a baby in a sense want to try new things and experience new things so i said yes to swiming even tho I’m insecure about my belly i went and bought some swim shorts

so at the pool we swim and played in the pool and so on, and i also like asked these boys in the pool to if they wanted to play with us and they did the game we played was like pirates. They had like a floating thing and they had to make it to the otherside with out falling off or something

so that is how the day Ended the next day, ——i forgot to mention something odd did happen but I’m not going to say it.

Anyways the next day he friend comes over and my niece asked if i can take them sw2iming and i said no, because me taking them swimming is me just taking them swimming and watching them play which is perfectly fine but its a waste of a time in a sense and i know my niece would be wanting me to be fun like i was yesterday with her and her friend

but idk if this is going to make sense, but I’m following the women’s lead in life in a sense that what they would approve of and say for me to do given situations. Meaning i felt they would see it best for me to sit at the pool and just watch them play like they should be ultimately best and i get that

idk how to explain but my experience with everything in life to this point just makes me annoyed and annoyed and irritated to be alive in a sense but its why people just be happy and do what they want and say fuck everything else and everyone else and do whatever they want to do

I’m not a bad boy the ones that girls and women like ——ima stop talking now but simply much easier for a woman to be a happy go lucky or jolly thing.

The whole treat others how you wish to be treated to me i think you just want to be valued and you are already being a baby sitter and being able to help others and you want appreciation shown towards you. No one is forcing your hand to help them ehh

I’m just going to think based on my sister but your help is not help if you always expect to be given return in value back its actually very taxing your help in a sense especially when not asked for. But idk nm\vm I’m stop typing now

/r/infj Thread