At a point in time, I didn't believe anyone or anything could help me.

If therapists aren't helping you, fuck 'em. A lot of them are either burnt out or just punching the clock. I've struggled to find therapists helpful when I've needed them, so I helped myself instead.

For most of human history, people turned to philosophy and philosophers for guidance rather than turning to therapists. Stoicism and Epicureanism helped me. Before you decide to off yourself, you should at least make sure that there are no other options that can turn your life around. I'm glad I did.

Epicureanism largely concerns itself with the concept of pain and death. I'd recommend checking it out. Worst case scenario, you read something some cool ancient greek guy said before you take the door.