Okay I'm a dude and straight as an arrow but I'll give you a critique anyway.

There is nearly no exposition. Maybe give a bit of description and story to things, go over appearances and set up relationships. Even in a short encounter these add to the story since it allows anyone to get a mental picture of the scene. Remember here, you're not listing out features, you need to knead them into a paragraph in a way that reads naturally.

Secondly, find more euphemisms. Saying vagina over and over isn't sexy. You have to figure out when it's okay to use a clinical descriptor and a colloquial reference. I find that the best way to do this is to describe what I'm referencing - wet, warm folds; hole; slit; cunt - all of these have uses and, importantly, times to use them. Remember, you're trying to write something hot here, you're not just describing your fantasy as quickly as you can.

Next, spelling really is important. It's distracting seeing the wrong word (Your instead of you), not capitalizing your self-referential letters 'I', and spelling mistakes ('yout', 'powefully', 'fforwrd', 'cntinue', 'ro', et cetera). Mistakes like these take you out of the scene mentally as you attempt to figure out what was meant. They distract and detract.

Make your scene less "I do this. I do that. You do the other. I do another thing." This isn't a lab report, this is an attempt at seduction. If you find yourself starting a sentence with the same word thrice in a paragraph it's time to throw out that chunk of text and rewrite it.

Separate actions, dialogue (and further mental and verbal dialogue - italicize mental dialogue, encapsulate verbal dialogue in quotation marks), and descriptions. Scenes are more like fantasy novels and less like high school papers in that you can separate paragraphs and group sentences differently. Pick up a fiction novel and take notes of how the author structures paragraphs. Sometimes dialogue takes its own paragraph, sometimes it's mixed in with actions. Note how descriptions flow between actions and dialogue. You don't need to group paragraphs by chapters or sections within the scene, the scene shouldn't have any such breaks. Line break for clarity between sentences, not between paragraphs, as your scene should be more like a short story than an essay. Make the scene one driving wall of text instead of chopping it into thirty second bites, it allows one to immerse themselves more fully into the action and take breaks if they need it instead of you telling them when to rest and recoup.

Those should be good as first steps. Remember that you can't write good erotica without being able to write well to begin with, you have to cover your literary bases first. You won't be able to come up with something so hot to you that others ignore poor grammar and writing ability. The content of the scene is nothing without good delivery.

Sorry if that was harsh but you asked how the story was and I decided that rather than being a smart-ass again I'd actually give you a couple pointers off the top of my head.