So much bad advice here. I think it's safe to say that you can acknowledge there's a failure in communication on both ends here. This has gone so long that now we are at the breaking point (the recent fight).

So what to do from here? You both need to learn how to talk to each other. Couples counseling would help tremendously with this. You need to learn how to actually express your feelings and from what you wrote here it sounds like he needs to work on his listening skills and open communication with the both of you.

I'm not going to say who is right and who is wrong here, because that's not the issue here. The issue is because the communication is so shitty in your relationship, there's no way for either party to get their point across properly and come to a conclusion together.

So if you want to fight for this relationship, this is what you do.

You let both of you calm down. Do not approach this subject unless both parties are calm. In fact, tell him you need to talk to him, but you both will come up with a safe word or something if one party gets out of hand to disengage. Then explain how you are having trouble explaining how you feel and it's leading to miscommunication between you too. You love him and want to work on better communication so you two can resolve the intimacy issues, but you cannot do it alone. Then bring up the idea of counseling. Make sure you aren't accusing either party of anything, just that you both need to get a counselor in the mix to help clarify what each other is thinking... because these fights that leads to accusing, raised voices, and slammed doors get you both nowhere.

If he's not up for counseling or working on communication between you two... then that's not a good sign.