First step is take a breath. A nice deep calming breath. It's going to be okay.

Its going to be okay. Stop analyzing yourself. Stop giving yourself power over yourself to hurt.

1 year on hormones is just one step. You need to take every day just that, one day at a time. One step at a time. One breath at a time. Stop thinking about what you cant change right now. Work on what you can change.

You're working so you're making money. Save it. Use that money for laser, makeup. The things you know you need. Save up for FFS if you feel you need it but wait for hormones to work. The first year isnt supposed to make you passable it's your body adjusting and reversing the effects of your old hormone. It takes years. Take it day by day and eventually you get there and the past, the shit you are experiencing now does not matter.