No I definitely appreciate the feedback. He started becoming distant and not happy about the pregnancy and our relationship because I was so sick and it changed the dynamic of our every day lives. If that makes sense? For example, before I got pregnant we worked out daily, I made three full meals a day, our place was immaculate because I spent hours a day cleaning, and I would wear make up, fix my hair, etc. After I got pregnant it all pretty much went out the window because I was always sick and I think he resented me for it. Then after the pregnancy I was extremely depressed which pushed him even further away, my confidence and self-worth went right out the window.

It was a mistake to get married when we did, I'll admit that, but I wanted to believe that he did want to get married. I wanted to marry him and I wanted to for a very long time before our actual marriage. Later on he told me that he thought us getting married when we did would rekindle our relationship. So that's why we got married.

He's apologized many times, switched his job position (still waiting for relocation), changed phone numbers, is open with all his accounts, sends me his location via iPhone, took me on a honeymoon on our wedding anniversary to try and make up for the first one and is putting a lot of effort into our relationship.

I'm not trying to defend him but I know that's how it's coming off. I just wanted to give some backstory as to why I'm still with him now, I suppose. But you're right, it's definitely a rocky foundation for a marriage which is why I'm unsure if this could ever be how it was or if I could ever feel stable in this relationship again. Part of me still loves him very much, but it's not how it used to be. I am terrified of starting over and ending a huge part of my life.