27M married for 2 years. The D word is starting to pop into my head.

It sounds like she is depressed and needs either a) a therapist to help work through her depression and b) more sympathy/compassion from you.

My husband works a lot as well. He has two jobs and will still sometimes take side jobs. I work from home and am in charge of most household things including our children and making sure the house isn't disgusting but neither of us are very good at chores.

I grew up with a Dad who worked 14 hour days or more, came home, kicked his feet up on the couch and abused us in any way he saw fit because he "worked" and my Mom (who also worked) was supposed to cater to his every whim including dinner on the table, a clean house, and children who were essentially cute puppets that disappeared before they got annoying. Needless to say, I have many issues when it comes to division of labor inside the home.

BUT...I talked to my husband about it. I told him that I needed an equal partner in household duties. I'm not his mother, he can help out with laundry/dishes/etc. We generally agree that we both need to pull our weight when it comes to parenting/chores because there is nothing...for me...that is worse than being alone all day long doing nothing but parenting and cleaning only to rinse and repeat...forever. It's an easy trap to fall into and it's VERY easy to lose your sense of identity in all of it, especially if your spouse is busy a lot and has a hard time remembering to ask questions that are unrelated to housework/parenting. (Not that you don't ask, but it sounds like you have a lot on your plate and typically spouses are the first people to get put on the back burner because we're adults and we should be able to take care of ourselves.)

The other thing I'm wondering is if you or your wife make time for her to get out of the house/have hobbies/see friends? If you're so busy she probably doesn't have any time to do anything without children and that sucks. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, but grocery shopping with children in tow is a special kind of hell on earth and when you married this woman you signed up to co-parent with her and that means that part of your job is making sure she's got time to do things by herself...even if all she wants to do is sleep while you take the kids to the park.

The feeling I'm getting from your post is that she's been set up for a perfect recipe for depression and some counseling for her or both of you sounds like a good idea. She's also young and may not know how to communicate what she needs from you. I'd definitely hold off on divorce for now.

/r/Marriage Thread