She [28 F] broke it off after 2 months with Me [28 M] because I messed while asleep.

Can I suggest something that goes a little against the grain?

Be aggressive when you explain yourself. Not mean. Not insulting. Not violent. aggressive.

I have had situations where a girlfriend broke it off because of something stupid:

  • On a night when we both had our separate guys/girls nights, we both ended up at the same movie. I didn't realize that she was there, and we went with my best friends 2 friends (both are girls). It looked like I was cheating, when in reality, I didn't even know that the girls were going to be there until I arrived at the theater. My girlfriend at the time saw me, didn't say anything, and then bitched me out for stalking her the next day. We live in a town of 10,000 and there's one theater that shows indie movies...this situation was bound to happen.

  • One time, when my ex and I were fooling around (oral sex), and we'd been together for 8 months or so, I asked if she wanted to have intercourse. She declined, and I respectfully complied - even as a young, piss-and-vinegar teenager, I didn't want to push the issue, so I dropped it. She broke up with me telling me that I only wanted one thing.


I was soggy and weak in how I apologized. For #1, I was surprised and amazed to find out what had happened, and as she broke things off, I couldn't apologize enough, even though I asserted my innocence.

For #2, I apologized, and insisted that I wanted her for so much more than sex. I loved this girl and would have done anything for her - the idea that she thought I only wanted sex was actually likely gaslighting and she wanted to end things and make it seem like breaking up was my fault. She was a cunt.


Anyway - just be straightforward and say "fuck it." Sexsomnia or whatever the scientific term is a real thing. Yes - she was assaulted, but it's not your fault, and you obviously didn't take it incredibly far.

Years ago I would bend over backwards, but I'm of the opinion now that if you can't understand my reasonable explanation, then fuck it. I would like to go back to ex girlfriend #1 and go "fuck you, you narcissistic bitch. If you think I was trying to make you jealous for no reason and that I'm somehow stalking you, then enjoy your life." for girl #2, it would be "Okay, well go ahead and gaslight me. If you want to break things off, just fucking tell me - people like sex, believe it or not, and to villainize me for it just makes you an inhuman bitch. Grow a pair and break up with me."

Your words should be "Look, I wasn't all that drunk, nor was I conscious. I'm sorry that what happened was scary, but guess what? I couldn't control it - I was asleep. It's a real thing and you can read about it online. If you want to end things, fine, but I'm sorry - I don't want to be with someone who isn't going to understand where her partner's coming from."

/r/relationships Thread