Your post makes me sad for you. I was in a similar situation for ten years. He did make me happy and at times we were best friends and I loved him very much but he had drug issues and sometimes would be mentally abusive. I left after he cheated with a best friend and started using drugs that messed up his mind.

It was very hard, it still is at times. I’m always feeling sad for him. In a way I enabled him so much by trying to provide and make sure nothing bad would happen to him that when I left he was left without anything, and undoubtedly it was very difficult for him.

Although I am in a new relationship now that is much more happy and healthier than my last, I still worry about him constantly. Although I feel a lot of guilt about it, a weight has been lifted to not have all of his issues on his shoulders. He was never good at dealing with his problems, and he spoke of them in a way where any amount of listening, or advice or consoling was met with hostility. If I offered advice he would scream he didn’t want it, or name all the obstacles in the way or say fixing things were pointless. If I let him speak and just listened he would get angry with me that I wasn’t speaking, if I told him we would figure it out and everything would be okay he would yell that I had no idea what he was going through and nothing would be okay.

It is so hard to leave, I’m not going to deny that. You can still love and care from a distance, sometimes it takes you leaving for the other person to act and make their life better. Sometimes they get worse. But you are not tethered to anyone in life, and if you have that gut feeling that it’s not right don’t make the mistake of staying and dragging it out. You only have one life and you deserve to try your best to make it a good one.