Look, at this point I think you cut your losses. This is her dealbreaker. The divorce, on top of all the other shit you are getting heaped on you is simply the price you gotta pay. It sucks, but I hope for your sake you can grow from it. Honestly, I don't think reddit has much more to offer you at this point because all everyone is going to want to do is kick you while you're down. I'd rather not do that, but I do have some tough love for you. However, since you seemed to have posted in good faith, I'll try to give you some better advice than "hurr, go fuk urself".

I gave up my car for the bus, I pled guilty right away, I'm voluntarily going to alcohol education classes on top of what the court sentenced me to and I donated what I could to a drunk driving victims charity. I make no excuses and I feel like the scum of the earth.

Look, I can see that you want to pay your penance, and you should. For a time. Don't sentence yourself to a lifetime of bullshit over this. Fuck, even murderers get released eventually. Work on yourself. Do the work. When you are done with the probation, or whatever the court does to follow up, show them. Bring evidence that you have done the work. They will likely release you. However, eventually, you must release yourself. Ultimately, by sentencing yourself to a lifetime of arbitrary punishment, you will never truly grow because you will always be confined to the cell you have placed yourself in. Pay your debt to society, with interest if it helps you, but once you balance your books, move on.

She won't even talk to me and her lawyer says I can have the house and the money because all she wants is a divorce. I love her more than anything and I don't want a divorce.

Honestly, I say take her up on her offer. Or not. It doesn't matter. The fact of the matter is that I was in the Army and I can tell you that once the guys in her unit find out that she's divorcing you, every swinging dick in her vicinity will descend on her like vultures. For all you know, she's already worked her way through half the unit. Grief makes people do stupid things, and anger makes people do spiteful things. Even if you do manage to get her to talk to you again, you will have to face the very real possibility that she's already had a fling "while you were on break". You know her better than I do, but don't do yourself a disservice by denying that the possibility exists.

All in all, I honestly think you should cash your chips and cut your losses. If she wants to get rid of everything, including you, I'd respect her wishes. I'd also keep doing the work, but I wouldn't let this hinder my life and progress any further than necessary. Flagellating yourself your entire life helps no one. Hell, maybe you can be a success story and can help inspire others to turn their lives around. This will be your greatest shot at winning her back. Actions do speak louder than words after all. Be the success story!