Okay a bit behind on this thread, but wanted to say something. You seem like a cool dude and I probably could see myself being friends with you. That being said, what the fuck dude you are being an absolute fucking moron right now. You want to give up on life just because you've been dealt a bad set of cards and don't like yourself? Bullshit. Life has so much to offer, and if you set your goals to becoming a better individual and learning ways to improve on things you not only live a better life for yourself, but you also affect others in positive ways as well. Honestly dude society prioritizes things that don't matter like sex and drugs, but they ain't shit. A lot of people get down and depressed over this because they think that just because they haven't experienced things they won't be able to live a good life. This thought process leads people to miss out on so many things in life that do matter, just cause they don't think they can fit in. So get out of your comfort zone and get some experience. Don't worry about the things you have been worrying about because they dont matter. And go make some mistakes and learn from them. Research things that you enjoy whether it's music or computers or whatever you like. Research the things you want to improve on, whether it's hygiene, knowledge, clothing, hair, health or whatever. The internet is the greatest tool we have, so use your time on it wisely and try not to be lazy and watch gaming videos or netflix like I used to. This will take time, but you've got to be patient and work on improving one step at a time. If you do this, naturally the time will come for you to experience these new things like sex or weed or whatever you've been worrying about and you'll realize that they're nothing special at all.

Now in my case I was extremely suicidal all throughout high school and a while past it because of my anxiety, depression, awkwardness, and having no friends. My family didn't understand me and I had no idea where I wanted to go in life. People took advantage of me and bullied me for a long time. My mom died. Life hasn't been easy for me, but at one point I said enough is enough and decided to change it. Made a lot of mistakes, which sometimes made me feel even worse. Eventually had sex with a random girl and didn't even enjoy it because of not having an emotional connection. All these mistakes sucked but they have been extremely insightful into how to live my life. So in total, stop being a dejected asshole, get up off your ass, and do something about your situation. This is my two cents. I don't know you and I'm sorry if I seem to be overreaching but I love you bro and I hope you get through your problems.