A while ago, I'm not sure how long, maybe a couple years, I turned off all notifications for texts/apps, except calls. No one called me much but usually when I got a call it'd be work or something somewhat important so I needed to answer.
Anyways, doing that liberated me from the thought that no one ever reaches out to me. I was able to look at my phone and see a lack of messages not as a sign that I'm alone, but as an opportunity to take control of how I feel. It was up to me to determine how I was going to feel. I began only checking my messages when I was expecting something. Soon I forgot about checking my messages and being hung up on that, and I began to feel better. It became the norm for me to tell people that if they need to contact me they should *call* me, because I wont see their text. Many people took confusion to that, but its worked for me.
Recently I met a girl. Things were going well. We began a sexual relationship, and I was *extremely* happy to finally (first time ever) be as close to another human (emotionally) as I was with her. However, very soon after our friendship developed into something more the pandemic hit with full force. Because of circumstances, she moved back home (from living on campus) and I was left alone.
She was the first person within those couple of years that I actually turned on my notifications for. Seeing her on my screen made me happy. We talked all the time from morning to night. But after she left things between us died down, and she decided that the things she was going through at the time were too much for her and she couldn't continue with our relationship. So now we're just friends that don't really talk.
I kept my notifications for her turned on for a while, and that put me into a downwards spiral. Every time I'd look at my phone I was reminded of the person I miss the most. Eventually I turned them off for her, but I still find myself checking my texts regularly, which constantly reminds me of what we had.
The hardest thing I have yet to do is delete our conversation, which spans about 3 months. I know this is a crucial step for me to be able to move on, but I can't bring myself to do it. The thought just makes me so sad. I'm not ready to let go.
I don't at all regret turning on notifications for her. I remember when she texted me for the first time (she asked for my number AND texted me first, wow). It was great to finally see a name I cared for popup on my screen, but that's over now. From now on, notifications stay off, for everybody, no matter what.
Getting your heart broken sucks. I wish things would go back to the way they were.