I felt and feel that way sometimes but even through this and acting out while trying to push him away because I thought I wasn't worthy of love, my husband of 21 years makes it better. Like, I know he saved my life 21 years ago. I was suicidal since 11 and was giving the universe and God one last chance. And I met him. I couldn't believe for the longest that he actually loved me. But I finally realized that he does.Because he actually loves me. Alot of enabling from him and antidepressants help. His constant kindness, love and I feel safe. Our home is our safe place. I have bad social anxiety but with him, I can be me and he still loves me. I know that without his support I would not have made it past 19. And everyday, I honestly wake up thanking God for giving me hope for my love, my safe place and the fear is no longer the first thoughts in my mind. I really hope everyone can feel this one day. You are loveable, you do deserve happiness and it's not all your fault. I wish you all strangers in life this prayer I thought of as a 5 year old, " God, please protect those that I love, those that I don't love and those that I will grow to love, Amen."