Well to answer your question you can start by believing in yourself even if "NOBODY" else does. Thats the first I think.

Secondly Ive always found that any guy im attracted to had a special quality or thing about them that I really admired that I didnt. I slowly adopt those attractive qualities for myself.

If you find something attractive in somebody else maybe it would be good to work on having that in yourself as well.

I also am not saying this to judge you because one thing I "NEVER" do is judge somebody especially when I do not know them thats not who I am and thats not what im about.

From somebody who knows though it "sounds" like not saying you are but "sounds" like you are wallowing in self pity alot. Thats not exactly something thats attractive.

We all go through hard moments and things that bring us down in life but you cannot stay down forever and expect somebody to be attracted to that.

Going to gay bars and drinking alone for 4 hours alone sounds sad and depressing and the way you describe yourself in your post seems like you dont think anything of yourself at all but you want somebody else to?

Talk is cheap I know but the honest truth is you have to know your personal value even if nobody else can see it but you that is the truth.

Once you know it I promise you it will become easier for others to see. You dont think much of yourself it sounds like and maybe for that reason other people can see that and so dont feel drawn to you.

whew that was a long reply I know that probably sounded dr phil or opraish but i think those saying might have a small truth to them.

I think you should stop beating yourself up so much surely your a better person than your making yourself out to be.

I hope you feel better and find somebody to share your love with.