Addition to imagery section:
establish the environment early on, and add more little details about it (such as how the floor looks, or the what the shelter looks like or the color of the trees—that last one you say too late) but not too much so that it gets bogged down in detail.
I am terribly sorry. I've been writing notes on this piece for a few hours, and it seems to have been a boat load. Now that I'm organising it, I can't find my entire section which was focused on how you can improve the structure of your writing, or the rest of the notes on imagery (not line edits). What an absolute mess!
I'm deeply sorry, but i don't think I have the strength to write them again today. I'll have to do it tomorrow. Sorry again.