I (34m) just got a few painful texts from my girlfriend's(33) 10 year old daughter. Need some advice on my next move.

The reason you picked up on a justifying tone in all of my replies, is because every tried to assume that I️ was screaming at my partner. I️ literally tried to explain time and time again that I’m not yelling, that I’m barely raising my voice over a loud speaking voice, that it feels like I’m in a debate. Yes, I️ 100% rationalized that way of speaking. I️ clearly see it’s wrong and not helpful. I️ came here to talk about that. But everyone just decided I’m literally just screaming and yelling and going crazy. Like I️ said in another reply, if you read my example argument as someone screaming, it sounds traumatic. If you read in the voice of someone who is feeling hurt and frustrated, who’s not yelling, but has a pleading and exasperated tone, and then add a few decibels of volume, that’s what you’d hear.

Yeah, it’s still fucked up to think it’s helpful. And yeah I️ rationalized it by saying I️ was fighting for my needs or my relationship, whatever. For some reason no one wants to read my post for what it was, and they want to make up something else. It kinda baffles me why. I️ came here to be honest and get some feedback. Instead all I️ got was people telling me how awful and abusive is it is to terrorize my partner by screaming and shouting obscenities. But that isn’t the scenario, so about 85% of the feedback in the thread hasn’t really been helpful. Thankfully 15% of the folks read my post for what it was and gave advice based on what I️ wrote, instead of deciding that I️ wasn’t being honest and giving advice on what they decided I️ was leaving out.

I️ mean, it’s not like I’m paying anyone here for this advice, it’s not like I️ really have a right to complain. It’s an internet message board. But still, it seems like if people are going to take the time to leave a reply, they should at leave a reply that reflects what the OP wrote, and not what they’ve made up about the OP.

/r/relationships Thread Parent