So my SO has a history of being upset when I go see my family while he is at work or picking fights over it as my family thinks he treats me poorly and want nothing to do with him.
Sometimes our family has a more objective view of our partners than we do, because we are deep in the throes of love and they aren't blinded by romance like we are.
He likes to make comments about me potentially cheating on him but I just write it off as insecurity and try to reassure him.
I have never given him reason to think I am cheating and I rarely even leave the apartment except to go see my family 3-4 times a month.
Ok, so that's not ok. This is beyond insecurity and deep into manipulative/control territory. Seeing family and loved ones is NOT a negotiable.
He made his usual comments about me going to see my sidepiece throughout the morning and kept saying I was sketchy for not having an itinerary planned out.
Uh, no. Outside of a few special circumstances nobody has an itinerary. He's just trying to make you feel wrong-footed. If you feel off kilter then he can better accuse you and manipulate you and make you apologize for stuff that is 100% his issue.
When I left, I was talking to him on the phone and he asked me how long I would be there. I said i was going to get brunch with my parents and probably go hang out at their house after so maybe 2 hours tops. He then said I was being “shady” because I originally said i was only going “between meetings” so he thought it would be fast. I tried explaining that i never said i was popping in for 30 min, that I told him i needed to check my meeting schedule which i did when I woke up and noted I only had a meeting from 8-9 AM. He kept telling me how shady I was being and I got annoyed/frustrated and had an edge to my voice when I asked him to “please stop saying stuff like that”. Maybe I was more annoyed sounding that I thought.
You're not shady. He is weird and controlling, your annoyance is warranted, and if he is ok with accusing you of cheating then he can damn well handle an annoyed tone while you make a reasonable request.
He got mad and hung up on me. I thought it wasn’t a big deal but when I texted him an hour later he was really mean and made sarcastic remarks about how now I want to talk to him now that i have finished “spitting venom” at him?? I apologized for sounding annoyed and said i should be more careful with my tone multiple times but he continued berating me and said i was just telling him what he wanted to hear.
He's a dick. He is too accusatory while not being able to handle a "tone". Lord help this man of he ever meets a middle schooler.
That this is “just the way I am I get like this anytime something stands in my way of doing something i want to do” and that once i “finish spitting venom I just play the victim and tell him what he wants to hear” that “next time he gets annoyed he will spit venom at me” (he is usually super mean anyway when he gets mad at me) and “he doesn’t want to deal with this crap right now”.
"Wah wah wah, you weren't 100% polite and submissive, so now I'm offended and will totally be an asshole because I can't handle a woman standing up to me and expressing mild irritation."
I dont know why i felt so bad over this but i left him alone for a while after apologizing profusely thinking be just needed time to himself. When he came home 4 hours later though I tried talking to him and asking if I could lay down with him and he told me no, to leave him alone.
Am I crazy to think this is an overreaction?? What do i do?
He is being a manipulative asshole. You are 100% fine and he is controlling and abusive.
Go spend time with your family. Listen to them.