I (36M) male. Married to my high school sweetheart but for the last 5 years my wife (35F) has become stricken with an incurable immune disorder

I fully understand what your wife is going through. She probably needs to look into other medications if possible if it improves her quality of life. When you say you put it delicately, how did you put it? It's okay to tell your partner you feel neglected outright.

I can answer with the same question. Simply put why do I massage her and care for her till my fingers are numb in pain if it hurts me? It’s Simple. Cause I love her and want to give her anything to make her life and comfort better even if it causes me discomfort for a period of time.

The two aren't comparable. It's very uncomfortable and a different kind of pain than massaging someone when your hands hurt. It can also cause other issues if she's not aroused. Something like sex shouldn't be one sided. You shouldn't be wanting her to put herself through pain and discomfort for sex for your pleasure.

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