4 Days in

Read this whole comment, just so you know that you are not alone at all.

Anybody been thru what I'm going thru right now?

Almost to a T. I'm 28, and ruined all kinds of sexual opportunities in my life because of insecurities. More on that in a bit.

My longest streak so far has been 18 days - so don't assume I am a veteran at this - but I can still relate to practically everything in your post.

First of all, as to the 4 days in... days 4-8ish were very rough for me. The first few days were easy because I had tons of motivation to succeed. Right about day four, the urges started in, and they were relentless. Around day 8 I had a breakthrough where the urges started to subside- it was as if my ego was saying "damn, ok, he's serious about this." That phase lasted for about a week, and it was awesome. Right around day 15 it got really bad though; an insatiable desire to fap. I struggled through it for a couple of days, but by day 18, I was having lots of trouble. Any time I saw a woman, on the internet, television, or real life, I immediately sexualized her-- beyond just "wow she's attractive", and straight into "wow I'd love to fuck her six ways from Sunday." Honestly it was pretty disturbing, and it was clouding my thoughts all day long- so I relapsed on purpose.

The point of that is to say, you are not unique- you'll definitely struggle, and some times will be worse than others. So don't stress too much about it, just know that you'll have good days and bad days.

As to the rest of your post, especially

Am I not the biggest pile of pussy you've ever seen?

No, doubt it. I can honestly relate to your history 100%.

I'm above average in most respects: tall, athletic looking, sociable, and though I'm no male model, have pretty decent facial aesthetics. If you saw me on the street there is no way you'd consider me a virgin. And yet... I am.

I've had extreme sexual hang ups for as long as I can remember. That said, I've never had a problem attracting women. Especially in college, flirting was incredibly easy for me; out of my social circle, guys would ask me for tips on talking to women and getting their numbers, etc. My group of friends were very popular on campus and I was always meeting and interacting with new women, getting them to fall for me- including some who were willing to cheat on their boyfriends.

But I never had sex with a single one of them. Not one. Because once it got to that stage, I was TERRIFIED. Just like you, I'd do all kinds of crazy shit to get out of the situation. Start saying weird things, or just shut off completely.

I've had many women completely throwing themselves at me; if you could go back and watch my life from a birds eye view, you'd see me being successful with flirting and getting numbers and even sometimes taking a girl home (!!), only to intentionally sabotage the situation. You'd be fucking BAFFLED.

The vast majority of other men, if put in my past shoes, would be living the dream. And mind you, most of these women were VERY attractive by normal standards.

I could tell you stories for DAYS. My past is FILLED with beautiful women who I could have easily slept with, but didn't, all thanks to my sexual insecurities. Porn and fapping has a lot to do with it, I'm sure - because just like you, after I'd obliterate a situation, I'd go home and fap. Pathetic.

Anyway this isn't a "woe is me" comment, I just wanted to let you know that no, you are definitely not alone.

/r/NoFap Thread