It's not about running into people so of course I go places in my county. And it wouldn't actually be an issue for me to be drinking in front of anyone (professionally, at least. Personally, if I'm drinking right now, it's probably an issue). But no, typically I am under the influence at home. I'm not a social user. I'm a very secret user.

And ironically, it's not the sharing that's the problem, it's hearing other people share. I would be completely free to tell any of my clients about my life to whatever extent I feel comfortable. But because I am in a position of real power over their lives and make very significant decisions about them, often taking their sobriety into consideration, it would be considered a huge violation for me to invade the spaces they go to share and get help. If they saw me there, it could make them feel as though they could not be open and honest without it potentially having real consequences on their lives. Obviously, that would not be my intent. I would not be there to spy on them or to use anything against them, but it could create that appearance and could dissuade them from going. So it's simply not allowed.

I already do use some resources. I listen to Soberpod, which has been really helpful. I am also on a waiting list for a specific resource that is created solely for people in my line of work. It was created exactly because of this situation, but unfortunately, it's limited in resources and takes awhile to get in.

I understand that the intent of your comment is to be helpful. But you seem to be approaching it from the assumption that I do not want help or that I am lying in some way.